Get The Village Look
If I were to ask you to picture for me a man with ill-deserved confidence, striding through a field trying to exude an air of control whilst trying to hide his fear simultaneously, you're picturing a village cricketer right?
The life of a village cricketer is a strange existence with emotions so complex that it would take a psychologist a year to treat a patient who’d been given out LBW for a ball that had pitched outside leg.
The amateur cricketeur is defined not only by their feelings after another dropped catch of a Saturday but also the uniforms by which he or she adorns themselves.
For a third-party, the visage of cricketers on a field all in white is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the style of the village player.
So what sort of styles can you go for?
All the gear, no idea
April comes around and one man in the team turns up fully kitted up from the winter recess. Shining gloves, squeaky pads and a spotless bat enter the first net session of the year.
If you want to get this look you’ll need to be able to spend a fair bit of money and, ultimately, will it be worth it when you play onto your stumps third ball of the season and that pristine bat of yours is covered with cherries on the outside edge of your bat come the end of August.
There’s a good chance there’ll be a chest guard involved in this look too even though the only way the ball is reaching your chest is a loosener from the opening bowler and even then it's unlikely to cause anything more than a small bruise.
An arm guard may also be worn but probably be binned when you realise that it is also essentially redundant at this level of cricket.
If you fancy going for a look this summer that will fill the opposition with dread, why not go for the outfit of the gun in the team.
In a polar opposite to the guy in the team with all the gear, the gun essentially has as little protective wear as possible to signify that he’s seeing it like a beachball so essentially doesn’t need to protect himself.
He’d walk out without pads if he could.
Despite this, a cap is vital, too little kit and it shows like you don’t own any, you need to show people that you own the kit - you just don’t need it.
In fact, the kit is pretty vital so you can say that you need it when you’re playing at a higher level, thereby immediately degrading the competition you’re playing in at that moment.
A well-worn bat shows this isn’t your first rodeo and some sunglasses to completely hide your expression also helps.
The last-minute call up
The easiest look of them all is the guy who hasn’t played a game in 10 years and has been dragged along at the last minute to make up the team.
The great thing about this look is that anyone can do it, you will already have most of the outfit at home!
Black trainers are a must, you’re not a tennis player so who the hell has white trainers?!
Shorts, again, you’re not a croquet umpire so why would you own white nylon trousers?
All the essential kit is borrowed, even a box, the helmet sits at a jaunty angle and to finish the look off any old white t-shirt will do - preferably with a beer logo on the back.
The only man in the club to have the club kit older than the junior member in the side.
Cotton three-quarter length sleeves show your whites to be from a different era and you hope a level of respect will follow suit - it doesn’t.
The letting agent sponsor’s logo begins to fade in the same way that the business itself folded 12 years ago.
The cap is moth bitten, frayed and an entirely different colour to what it started life, a colour that can only be described as ‘Sun-beaten tired brown’.
Weirdly, there’s one piece of new gear, maybe some gloves the kids got you for Christmas whilst they were completely void of any other gift they could get you other than another sports autobiography.
Do you like straw sunhats, brown slacks and long white coats? Then this is the look for you!
Toss six small pebbles and a spare ball in your pocket and you’re the village’s umpire!